Papa Kofi Ghana is 56years old today. Regrettably, he is in mid-life crisis. He has a weakened manhood and only frustrates his numerous wives. He usually leaves them in the middle of nowhere. It is a real worry for them and they have employed different strategies to remedy this very unfortunate situation. Some of them spend most of their time in churches praying fervently for their dear husband, with the usual chorus “Awurade, ma no nsore” (God, let it rise).
Others sit around and nag all day and night as if their nags will work some magic on that pendulum. Thanks to Social media, the tech-savvy wives are on facebook , twitter and instagram with this very embarrassing problem. Each gives the world and their colleague wives daily updates of dear husbands “up-down up-down” situation. They have discussions on it, twitter-debates and the like. Some of the wives have suggested they consult the Chinese for help. Those guys must have a way out; otherwise they wouldn’t have had such a population. Unless maybe just like their products, they have managed to manufacture some fake human beings as well.
The saddest of the wives are the oldest and the youngest. Senior wife knows her days are numbered. How she wish she would have uninterrupted pleasure for the few minutes left for her to leave the playing field. All she wants is a daily dose of the things that make life pleasurable. Not the adventures of the early days. Is she asking too much? Youngest wife perhaps is the unluckiest of all. As if always being left in the middle of nowhere when it mattered most is not depressing and insulting enough, she is derived of the opportunity to get offspring. The thing is doing “on-off on-off”, so the “baby-water” cannot flow to young wife’s bucket.
On the eve of Papa Kofi Ghana’s birthday, as the young wives sit to hear the oldest tell the tales of the exploits of their husband in the past, tears of frustration well up in their eyes. Where did they go wrong? What went wrong? Don’t they do use everything within their means and thighs to get Papa Ghana’s small boy working? So what exactly is Papa Ghana’s problem? Laziness? Lack of interest in the well-being of his family? Lack of political will to give his wives the needed pleasure? Maybe, the oldest wives through extreme excitement and carelessness, might have damaged some ligament and thus landed them in this abyss.
Papa Ghana’s fortunes are dwindling because the erratic power cuts in the bedroom are having an indirect effect on his business. Luckily, his Chinese, American and European friends ‘dash’ him some cash from time to time. Thinking this money will at least be used fruitfully? You are wrong. Most of the cash is used in paying a team of psychological lawyers; alcohol, kebab and luxurious cars. Maybe these will ease his worries a bit.
Today, the wives decorate the whole house in three special colours of their beloved husband; Red, yellow and green. Red, signifying the toils of Papa Ghana’s parents, especially her mum’s daily application of Akosombo’s warm water to the now problematic manhood. The yellow (gold) represents the rich values that were instilled in him to make Papa Ghana a successful man in all spheres of life. The green implies the fertility of his early years. The wives mischievously place a black-coloured star in the middle of the three colours. Perhaps the black star represents the dark world they have been plunged into. Do black stars twinkle too?
Will the senior wives of Papa Ghana be faulted if they embark on self-inducing pleasures? Will the young wives of Papa Ghana be faulted if they seek greener pastures in well erected places? How long must they endure pleasure black-outs and economic imprisonment? How long?
Anyway, today is the famous Papa Ghana’s birthday. Let us get the finest of wines and raise our glasses to the 56years of an illustrious son of Papa Africa. After all, the least of achievements is worth celebrating.