I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has over time complained about this attitude of most of my friends and therefore I find it necessary to share with you what I have grown to understand and possibly know how you are also dealing with it.
Do you see that ‘friend’ call and the first thing that comes to mind is “She/he needs help?”
I used to cry over the fact that most of my friends wouldn’t call or check on me but remained their first aid or their 911 anytime they found themselves in trouble and needed help. I felt being used and abused until I discussed this with my dad.
For him, it was a blessing and I had to be happy with it. Like seriously? You can imagine how I looked at him as he said those words. My question was, How could this be a blessing when I’m just being abused for the sake of friendship?
Knowing I didn’t really understand or simply refused to agree to what he meant him, he took time to explain. Based on biblical principles, he said, “Take pride in the fact that you are the first point of call for people in their days of need. It is a blessing in disguise. The mere fact that you are the first to come to the minds of people you call ‘friends’ when they seriously need a solution ….that is what I mean.”
Well, the words above sounded pretty cool to the ear until a friend had called me to promote one of his artists who had just released a new song and needed help.
After picking up and telling him exactly what I thought he wanted, he was like “yeah, it’s about my artist and his promotion”. Trust me, you never want to know how I felt. I opened up and told him I feel he was abusing our ‘friendship’ and would only call because he need help.
Surprising, he told me something that got me thinking. Something that influenced my decision to write this real lifestyle experience.
In his own words, he said, “Eben, the truth is that you never check on someone if you don’t need anything from the person”. I felt that was quite rude especially when he needed help from me but sinking in his words after the call dropped, I realized what he said was indeed not just the truth but a FACT.
I’m very sure you are asking how is this absurd saying a FACT? Well, let’s sit back and digest his utterance. Can you remember the number of times you have called your friends just because you wanted to check on them compared to number of times you NEEDED (pay attention to the word NEED) something from them?
How many times haven’t conversations that started with, “I only called to check on you” ended with “errrm I also wanted to ask if you could….”
The truth of the matter is, on most occasions, it is either you need help or want something from them. That is when you place that call. On the other occasions where you are tempted to think you only called to ‘check’ on the friend, there is an underlying fact which you are probably missing.
I know you are asking, I talk to my girlfriend/boyfriend all the time with no intent of requesting or needing anything. Well, that’s a lie. You know why? This is because at any moment you pick up that phone to call your partner or pass by his/her office JUST to see him/her, there is an emotional NEED that ought to be provided. I’m sure you may not get this at the first reading but just relax and soak it in. All I wish to say is, there’s never a time you call a friend or pass by a friends place for no reason.
Don’t you often say I called because I miss you? Well, if you do then there is a NEED somewhere.
Do you also say, I just felt like calling? There’s a feeling which NEEDS to be satisfied.
All, I’m saying is. there’s always a NEED which requires to be satisfied. So next time when ‘friends’ call becasue they only NEED help, don’t think the way I used to but understand it is very characteristic of every human being. A behavior that perhaps must NEED study.
According to a Quora user who shared his experience;
“Friendships develop from good conversations, shared interests and shared experiences. Frequently, friendships begin because one person needs something from someone else; that’s pretty natural. But there are boundaries that need to be set regarding what’s expected out of those relationships.
I like it when people ask me to help them; often it means that they respect me and my opinion enough to request it, and I appreciate that. Sometimes, however, they can act like succubi – just before they wrap their vacuum-cupped tentacles around you and smother you in the fuzzle that is their lives, preventing you from being able to breathe let alone get angry and burnt out on their drama, you need to tell them – oh, sorry, I’m busy. ”
Did I make sense? Well, you might have experiences to share so feel free to use the comment box below so I also pick some lessons from your experiences.
With all these said, I must say I have some pretty damn friends who I can spend time with all day. Guess you do too.(wink)